True Faith - It's Hard

One of Chris' favorite verses is II Chronicle 16:9, "For the eyes of the LORD run to and fro throughout the whole earth, to show himself strong in the behalf of them whose heart is perfect toward him." This verse hangs in our home and I love that it is ever before me. The thoughts have grown deeper this month. Why is it so hard to give over everything to the God who has promised and proven His power in our lives each day?

It has been about 2 weeks of extreme introspection and examination (Is that redundant?) I hope that the pain of these days has been that of one who is growing. My thoughts were primarily about things in my life that could hinder someone else's worship and why I hold on to those things. I determined that it is a lack of faith in God to meet my needs. Why do I choose the clothes I do? Why am I slow to ask someone to change their music or turn off a program or movie? Because I value man's opinion more than God's opinion. I don't see how God will meet my needs dispite a possibly negative opinion of someone else. Why do I want that new car? Why do I want a bigger house? Because I want what others have without trusting that God's plan for ME is His best. His plan for me is not the same as the plan for my neighbor.

I have often looked over the qualification to the promise as I read this verse. My lack of faith and my concern with other's opinions can negate the promise. My heart has to be perfect toward HIM! Is that why I lack faith? It may be because I know that my heart is not perfect. He often keeps his promise despite my evil heart, but He is not bound to the promise because I have not kept up my end of the bargain. Isn't God good to teach the tough messages any time?

Do I ramble? Perchance. But I appreciate the teaching that the Lord has given to a wife with much time to "Be Still" over the past 4 years of deployments.